My wife of one year surprised me last week when during sex she cried out the name of her former lover, who I know. I asked her about the incident, but she said it was just a slip of the tongue. However, this has happened several times.
One time I saw her struggling not to scream, but the name again came out. This time I had no option but to shout at her.
I like her very much, but, of course, this incident has made me very insecure about our relationship. I don’t know whether to go ahead with the relationship, or if I should just ignore the whole thing altogether. What should I do?
Sorry about what is happening, but don’t be hasty in taking action. There are so many things you should consider.
• Since your relationship is only one year old, maybe your wife needs more time to get over her last partner. She is the only one who can answer that question, but you should feel free to discuss your concern with her instead of shouting at her lest she is innocent.
• You wonder if you are getting yourself into a position where you might get hurt. While this is a possibility in any relationship, you may ask yourself if you are willing to take the risk for this person.
• You are considering ignoring the whole thing. Unfortunately, ignoring the issue won’t reassure you of anything. Talking about your feelings and listening to your partner can help you sort out the possible misunderstanding. You can be honest with your girlfriend and can ask the same of her.
These discussions can be challenging, especially since they deal with sensitive issues of jealousy and insecurity. A state-of-the-relationship discussion might be a good option. Either it will ease your anxieties and reaffirm your wife’s commitment and interest in you, or it will allow you to make a clean break.
My hubby can no longer satisfy me in bed
I have been married to this man for 15 years. The problem started last year when he was diagnosed with hypertension and diabetes.
Suddenly his libido diminished, leading to infrequent love-making or no love-making at all.
He seems to be more frustrated when I ask him about his poor performance in bed.
One time he even shouted at me to go out in the streets if I wanted the sex that I crave. I felt offended since before he fell sick he was wonderful in bed.
However, his poor love-making is affecting our marriage negatively. What should I do since I don’t want to have an extramarital affair?
Dear Lucy J
Diabetes is a leading cause of sexual health issues in people, along with hypertension, high cholesterol, and smoking.
It can affect nerve function and blood flow to any place in the body. One area that can often be affected is the genitals. In men, this can commonly manifest as erectile dysfunction.
Men with poorly controlled diabetes are more likely to have sexual issues than those in good control.
Men who have good control of their diabetes can still have issues though they are more likely to be mild and responsive to therapy.
The biggest cause of sexual issues for men is nerve and artery damage in the genital area, which disrupts blood flow and can cause erectile dysfunction.
Erectile dysfunction is known to occur in over one-half of men who have had diabetes for 10 years.
Studies have shown that men with erectile dysfunction and diabetes are also more likely to have heart disease because the risk factors for erectile dysfunction are the same as for coronary artery disease.
Instead of worrying about sex, you can first help your husband to control his hypertension and diabetes. Maybe he can revert to his old ways of making good love to you.
I am in need of testosterone treatment please
I came back to Zambia recently after staying in South Africa where I had worked for 10 years. During my stay there, I had good access to testosterone treatment which boosted my libido.
At 63, I started experiencing problems having sex. Can you advise where I can get this service in Zambia?
Testosterone levels decrease as men age, but prior studies on the effects of testosterone treatment on older men had been inconclusive.
Men over 65 with low levels of testosterone saw improved sexual function, mood and walking ability after being treated with the hormone.
I have to find out if we have such services in Zambia.
Help! My husband wets the bed
I am married to a very loving man and we have six children. The only problem is that my husband sometimes wets the bed and when this happens, he holds back and does not want to talk about it.
Every time this happens, I fear to take the mattress out to dry because I will give the neighbours something to talk about. I want to help him overcome the problem without embarrassing him. What can I do?
Dear Doreen L
Occasionally adults sleep soundly at night, only to wake up soaked in urine. When this becomes frequent, it is cause for concern.
Bed-wetting which starts in adulthood is rare, but requires medical evaluation.
For obvious reasons, adult bed-wetting is not a subject that invites open discussion.
It is more of a skeleton-in-the-closet condition, which means many sufferers could be missing out on treatment.
When an adult constantly wets the bed, he is likely to feel embarrassed about it and, therefore, miss out on help.
Bed-wetting, also termed as nocturnal enuresis, can be categorised as primary and secondary.
In the primary stage, a person has never been dry (always wets the bed), while for secondary, an adult starts all over again after having stayed dry.
Whether adult bed-wetting occurs suddenly or develops gradually, it is something that should not be taken lightly. It could be a symptom of an underlying medical condition.
If bed-wetting begins suddenly in adulthood, it is normally a result of an underlying condition such as diabetes or heart failure.
Adult bed-wetting can also result from weakness of the sphincter, the muscles that control the exit of urine in the urinary bladder through the urethra.
In rare circumstances, a problem in the prostate, the gland surrounding the neck of the bladder, or bladder, can spark off bed-wetting.
If a man has an infection in the prostate, he may end up leaking urine because the biggest sphincter control in that area is impaired.
I would suggest you ask your husband to see a doctor.